I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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