bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
