Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
