Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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