And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
