i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
