I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I can't put those talents on a resume
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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