I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
