They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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