I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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