Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
