I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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