Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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