We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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