I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
