How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
