so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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