Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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