How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
