god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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