And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
