it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
