My nipple is on Facebook.
Buhtt sex?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
What a dumb baby whore.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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