Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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