Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
