the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
