when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I love having hate sex.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
