it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
