dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
