so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
well most of my day revolves around power hour
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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