U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I think my fart just growled at me.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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