you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
