I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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