we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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