i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
