You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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