Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
