Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
