I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Randomize
