It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
