I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
