just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
