is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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