I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
it's like heaven, but drunker
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
