Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
