mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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