Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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