Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize
