some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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