Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I don't want my vagina anymore.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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