I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
